Crabbles
by Sora no Hairo Yuki
Summary: Crabbles: Crack drabbles! Crabble 7: Ibiki
1. Exterminator: ShinoSakura

Sakura was completely and utterly terrified. There it was on her bathroom countertop, staring at her with its beady creepy little eyes. It was a putrid nasty creature that had four too many legs. It sat there menacingly waving its feelers around in the air.

It was so terribly horrifying that she couldn't even scream. She backed out of the room cautiously and then ran out of the house. She frantically searched the calm streets of Konoha looking for the only person who could help her.

Just as she was about to give up, she saw him eating a peaceful lunch before she yanked him away and to her house forcefully. She led him up into the bathroom and pointed at the disgusting rotten vermin that was still in the same exact spot as she left.

"Get rid of it!" She cried.

"Oh, there you are Penelope," He said calmly as the bug crawled up his sleeve.

"Thank you Shino," she sighed in relief.

A regular teenage girl would have thrown her arms around his neck and screamed, "You're my hero!" But being a kunoichi meant she could control her actions, even if she wanted to treat him like Superman.


	2. Picky: ShikamaruHina

Shikamaru never liked the loud obnoxius diva type of girl. He wanted someone kind and mellow who would do him a favor every now and then without complaining. He preferred someone who would stay at home with their children, while he was out on missions. He definitely wanted someone intelligent who could hold a decent conversation, not some dumb bimbo who babbled about shopping and make-up all day.

When he met her, he knew she was the one for him, except for one problem; he wanted to marry a woman neither beautiful nor ugly. She definitely was beautiful in his eyes though, but that can't be helped when you're in love. You see, being beautiful causes problems, like having other men compete to compete with for the woman of your dreams. There's also the fact that beauty if very intimidating, asking a girl out is 20 times more frightening than facing Uchiha Itachi's Mangekyou sharingan with clothes pins pinching your eyelids wide open.

Of course, a woman like this only comes around once in a lifetime, so maybe he could just ignore the fact that she's pretty and just ask the gorgeous Hyuuga Hinata out for dinner on Friday night.


	3. Gemini: NejiKin

She hated it. She hated him. Why? Because people constantly mistook her for him. It was because of the hair she concluded. She didn't understand how they were always mixed up, her hair was 3 feet longer than his, not mention hers was a lot shinier, glossier and all around healthier than his.

Also not to mention the fact that Kin is a girl and Neji is a boy! So maybe Kin was a little boyish, but she wore a skirt and any person with at least a gram of common sense would know that he would never been seen in a skirt.

So one day, she confronted him about his hair. She requested that he cut it, but he rudely told her to cut her own hair if she wanted to be different so badly. That pissed her off. The same night, she snuck into his complex and gave have the "much needed" hair cut.

The next day she saw him walking about, and started to giggle but stopped when she caught a glance of how his new hair framed his handsome face. She smiled in satisfaction, now she could ask him out and not be mistaken for twins.


	4. End: ItachiTenten

He loved his little brother. He loved picking his little brother up from the academy every afternoon. On his way to his brother's classroom, he would pass the classroom of the children a year older than his beloved little brother. Each day, he would pause for a few seconds outside that familiar door and peer inside to observe an awkwardly tall for her age girl shining weapons, practicing her stances, yelling at a Hyuuga kid, or laughing with the kid with mammoth eyebrows. How her innocent large brown eyes would light up in her activities. He always wanted to befriend her.

However, this would never happen, considering a few months later he would murder his entire clan within a night by the village elders' orders. This never stopped him from paying secret visits to the village to check up on his little brother. On his way out, he would often stop at the training grounds of that girl with the brown eyes, never staying too long, but only to observe how she's changed between visits. When she changed her hair from the pigtails to the buns, he resisted to tell her how well they suited her.

He only came back once more to the village since his brother went to join snake bastard. He saw her in the town with alone the Hyuuga boy. Her eyes shone more brightly than ever and a strange sensation formed in the back of his mind. He pushed it away the next 2 years.

He then felt himself dying. He knew it was the end. He wanted it to be the end. He pictured the village, he pictured his brother smiling, and before the dark consumed his vision, he saw the brown eyed girl looking at him with those shining eyes directed at him.


	5. Angels: HakuHanabi

He was happy when he reached the golden gates and passed through them to run into his mother's arms. He was even more ecstatic when his master came through the gates as well, having cleansed his soul with blood and snow in his last minutes of life. He always watched over his dear friend Naruto from Heaven, offering protection and cheering him on from the clouds. His attention wandered one day however, when the Kyuubi vessel paid a visit to the Hyuuga complex. Haku was immediately enraptured by the young girl named Hanabi.

He found as Naruto was getting stronger and needed his blessings less; his focus would turn to Hanabi. He would watch her train with much ferocity and determination to please her father. He would watch her complete her first C-rank mission. He would watch her smile one day when her "older brother" patted her on the head and praised her.

He watched her in the Forest of Death, wanting very much so to make the rank of Chuunin. For the first time since before he had met Zabuza-sama, Haku was horrified. He saw those three Kumo-nin ambush her alone and move away to reveal her lifeless form.

_Greet her._

And so he did. He ascended to her level, saddened yet excited to finally be able to speak with her. _His_ words echoed through his head.

_You have the power for her to live or die._

He smiled at her spirit kindly and introduced himself as one of _His_ angels. He wished to take her by the hand and bring her up to Heaven with him, but rather he placed a hand on her shoulder and whispered for her to live.

He watched her come back to life with tears streaming down her porcelain cheeks. Relieved and saddened, he watched her grab her team mate's shoulder, asking what happened to the angel. He watched her team mate's face fall, and squeezed her tightly with tears running down his own face. He watched her pass the preliminaries, but defeated later on by an older kunoichi.

He met her many times after that, and every time her told her to live no matter how much she begged him to take her to Heaven.


	6. Photograph: SakonHana

He had never seen such a girl before. Well the only girls he ever communicates with are total bitches, Tayuya and Kin that is, and they're not much to look at as well. But this girl, no, this woman was mind-blowingly different from anything he was ever used to.

For god's sake, it was just a stupid picture!

_Damn piss dog boy for leaving his jacket behind with a picture of his stupid family in the inner left pocket. _

He continued to stare at the picture and the young woman in it as he regained his mind and his plans.

_I'll kill piss doggy and tell the news to her face! She'll cry! Wouldn't it be lovely?_

He'd seen many people cry before, even Tayuya and his own brother, but it was all just so, _ugly_. Not this time though. He pictured it himself, her with tears marring her painted cheeks. The image in his head of her crying almost made him feel like shedding a tear as well because it would just be so, _exquisite_.

He tossed the photograph in his hand away into the river, letting the current drift it away and the light waves pull it under.


	7. Torture: IbikiTayuya

What a feisty little bitch.

Ibiki had tried every disgusting tactic in the book; sleep deprivation, water torture, sexual harassment, beating, threats, visual torture, mind hacking, starvation, but all failed. She'd just laugh, sometimes even giggle at their attempts to get information from her. Oh boy was she insane.

Still plotting ways to get her to crack, Ibiki burst into her cell one day, tore off her clothes and threw the redhead over his shoulder. The girl just smirked and made a lewd sarcastic remark stuffed with about 15 curse words. The scarred man took her into a bright room and tossed her forward as hard as he could. A splash and some coughing along with a 100 more curse words could be heard subsequently.

Ibiki walked over to her in the shallow pool of water and kicked some water in her face then went around behind her and squatted down. He pulled something from his coat, a small bottle, and poured its contents on her head, and then proceeded to nearly yank out her hair as he worked the syrup-y liquid through it.

The cursing finally stopped. Sniffling could be heard instead.

And with that, the interrogator's heart melted.


End file.
